Monday, June 16, 2003

hey people

so i just tryed to republish all of my blogs or in other words archive them. with any such luck it worked. let me know.

so i have much to complain about today!! i know youre ever so excited!

where shall i begin? lets start with marketing. so ill begin by saying that i missed school today due to yet another asthma attack this morning. fun. yeah right. so that ment another good 3 hours of coughing, weezing the whole bit. by the end i was miserable. i had to take the codine. ive given in and was faced the matter that i would be on a steriod with in the next few hours and all i wanted to do was sleep. and rightfully so. id had a minor attack in the middle of the night and between that one and this one i was flat out miserable and wanted to sleep and then add in the c odine which knocks me out. so i fell asleep . this was some time around 9. i slept til noon ate lunch went back to sleep. then i slept undisturbed until about 2:15. it was then that the phone rang. so i rolled out of bed suspecting my mothers voice to be on the other end. was it? no that would have been far too easy. it was my marketing teacher, who mind you my mother had spoken to on friday and discussed with her that if i were to miss on monday that jenna and me could jsut present on thursday no big deal. so im completly incoherent. im drugged up (at this point i ahve the steriod in me as well which when you take 3 at once mixed with codine it makes you tired, now after taking 5 im simply hyper but then i wasnt) and i had been asleep for hours, and the phone had woken me, thus i was groggy. so what does miss crager say? she says that shes there with jenna who is concerned about the grade and would that the project needs to be completed by tomorrow or we fail. im like what the fuck!??! (no ididnt curse at her but it took all my will not to) you told my mom that thursday wasnt a problem. she then continues "well is there anyway you can come down and present now?" at this point im thinking this woman must be on crack. is she insane? im drugged up, she woke me up, my mother isnt home, and i had a horrible asthma attack that morning. and i tell her all of that minus the first two and also explain that when my mother does get home we need to get to a doctors appointment (well phsyical therapy but whatever) . she finnally relents and says that thursday is okay. whatever fine.

so then this miss crager calls my mother while im in doing arm therapy and says to her that her reason for calling is that jenna was super hyper about the grade and pissed and that she really doesnt care and that jenna INSISTED she call. then she explains that i will need todrop off the project tomorrow which means hanging around school an extra 10 minutes. fine whatever that i dont mind. i do mind that jenna got all huffy. i mean excuse me? i told her on saturday on the phone that miss crager had said we could do it monday or thursday if i wasnt there monday. there was really no need for her to get crager to call and wake me up. im pissed. she knew that i was having a lot of asthma problems. and yet okay maybe im pissed over nothing but i get very defensive when it comes to my asthma. you give me crap about it and watch out. until theyve gone through they have no room in fricken hell to critisize me about anything having to do with it. so basically if she give me crap tomorrow she better watch it cause im on the defense now. as minschwiener always says " takes a lot to get to her but now kars got her gaurd up, her sheild up and shes pullin out all her tricks. better watch it cause my girl got game." hes right. it takes a lot to piss me off enough but when i get my gaurd up you better watch your back.

other things that have me pissed? the danielle situation. now see i would love to believe that she really cant talk on the phone and maybe i should maybe this is me being the super sensitive over anaylist, selfconcious freak that i do tend to be but she was only suppose to only be grounded for four days. today is the fifth day. and thus i called her cause i was bored and needed someone to talk to and im willing to put this whole stupid thing behind me....im not like adam im not still plotting her death or whatever. i wanna remain friends with her and go back to talking to her. and yet i call and her sister goes to find her. she tells danielle phone. danielle asks who it is. the next thing i know im told danielle cant talk. odd? it would seem that way. especially because dani uesd to do the same thing to erica when she didnt want to talk to her on the phone. part of me feels very hurt and betrayed, especially because i dont see the reason she wouldnt want to talk to me. its not like i did anything to her. i didnt tell anyone, adam found the note and read it. jenna and erica were there, adam spazed so obviously they heard it all. them and all of doylestown. probably even some people in antartica (damn adam has a fricken loud voice). she can not in anyway blame me for that. and im not the one who told lauren either. what is there to be mad at me for? okay so maybe i wasnt direct and didnt tell her what i was upset with her for. but she knows thats my personality. she knows i fear confritation and thus i avoid instead. so how can she really be mad at me for that either. if she is fine im sorry. i dont see why that would mean she wouldnt want to talk to me and wouldnt want to be friends. i dunno that just upsets me. and yet the other part of me scowlls at that side of me for being paroniod and says that im being stupid, that she is probably just acutally not allowed to talk on the phone........of course ill never ask her. as i said before i dont like confrintation, i dont like confronting people i dont like being forward like that. thus ill just let it bother me for a while. oh well.

oooh i found my missing in action 9th grade yearbook. it was in the study. random. i realize this.

so erica is contemplating breaking up with adam even though ive told her that i think this is a mistake. oh well.
i should go and go to bed. english final tomorrow. wish me luck!!!

you know you love me!

Sunday, June 15, 2003

hey people

whats up??
nothing much here.Nebbing (gag me) it sucks major monkey ass. i had an attack on friday at school. it really sucked. it happened first block and as usual i ended up coughing for 2 hours before the nurse would give me the codine (ie the only thing that shuts the god damn cough up) so i had to sit there and just cough. as usual she tryed every, the tea, the spraying of the throat, the numerous cough drops, she even tryed to sticking my head under a sink with hot water. of course nothing worked. then she finally let me neb ( she wouldnt before because i had used my inhaler that morning) and then i had to wait to take codine. ugh nurse's are bitches.

asthma attacks are bitches too. trust me coughing for so long really sucks. you really cant know what its like until you experience it. but it takes everything out of you. it makes your throat hurt for the next week and your chest too and it makes your chest feel very constricted. also it takes your voice away for a good few days. not to mention the matter that after coughing for 2 hours it slowly startes to drive you insane. you start to break down into uncontrollable tears, your nose is running and your face is very puffy. your throat and chest are killing and you feel as though you cant go on and nothing seems to help. you just want to lay your head down and yet you know you cant because if you do the cough will become 10 times worse. nothing anyone can say or do is very helpful and you feel so very lonely as though your trapped in this inner battle with yourself. you really start to go crazy. then once its all over and the codine is in your system yousleep. but its still not over. when you wake you cant laugh. because if you do the cough returns. and you cant move much cause the cough will come back. talking is a strain because of your throat and the distinct lack of air movement through your lungs. going through what i go through when i have an asthma attack is not something i would wish on my worst enemy.

and i envy those who have strong lungs so much. theyve never had to go through what i go through and they dont understand. they dont have to worry at certin parts of the year that the little things they do will bring on such agony for them. and i envy them for that. they have truely no idea how lucky they are to have strong lungs and be able to do normal things that i wish i could do, such as run during the summer, be out in the humidity, sleep with their window open, hold babys breath flowers, clean in dusty airs without any such problem. its something they all take for granted. i envy them all.

and yet i sit by watching danielle destroy her lungs that i envy. she has never had to deal with what ive gone through. and thus she smokes. not seeing that this is what awaits her. i was reading her xanga and saw that she said she doesnt like coughing or etc but they are treatable. well look at me. yes its treatable. but it tears you up. it pisses me off so much that she hs these strong lungs that have never given her any agony and yet she is willing to throw that away for a stupid hobby that can bring no good to her life. i realize its her life and that she should make her own mistakes. and she should. but god why doesnt she see what this will do to her? shell end up like me and i already said i wouldnt wish it on an enemy let alone one of my best friends. god what i would do if i had lungs like hers and other normal peoples. i wouldnt be stupid and throw away that great gift. i wish people could go through one of these attacks just to see what its like. then they'd never pick up another cigarette and theyd be just as disgusted by it as i am.

take my uncle for instance. he smoked pot all through high school and college and smoked cigarettes until rather recently. look at him now. hes stopped. but hes faced with what i am and is at severe risk of developing lung cancer. he cant even swim anymore because his lungs have become so scared that he cant go uner the water. swimming was something he used to love to do. he was in the ocean 3 years ago when he had one of these attacks and he almost died. why are people so oblivious as to what is coming to them??

if she wants my lungs she can have them ill swap with her then she wont even have to smoke to get like this. i just dont understand why people would bring this upon themselves when i would give anything in the world to be freed of it. asthma has limited me so much since i was diagnosed with it. and i hate that. i hate that back in november when i was all psyched to play powderpuff i couldnt becuase i had an attack, that i couldnt go to college settlement camp in 5ht grade because of it, i couldnt see justin guarni yesterday because of it, i can't be normal because of my asthma. and that depresses me so much. i cant tell you how many times ive just sat and cried because of something i cant do and yet its out of my control because my asthma, my scared and weak lungs cant allow my body to do it. why in hell would she want that? i just dont understand it. not at all.

and lets talk about the nebulizer. i am foced to breath into this machine to get the medicine i need and i am forced to do it about 5 times a day. one of those times is at about 1 in the morning and the other around 5. now as if the codine isnt making me tired enough i have been losing even more sleep by being woken up in the middle of the night to use the god damn thing and will have to get up insanly early tomorrow in order to do it before school. the whole thing really sucks.

and back to it being treatable, yes but only by steriods. steriods that i am foced to take a good three times a year that will probably someday prevent me from having children. which again i hate. i hate that that is the only way to solve this. because im in a rutt. i am either going to be forced to cough and cough and cough and cough unless i take the steriod. these steriods which will someday probably give me cancer, cause me to not have children amongst other things. and it sucks. but if its not treated i could die. and i realize this.and i know i should take them. but do you know how much i wnat to have kids someday? i dont want to lose the ability to do so. and i dont want to lose my life to cancer earlier than im suppossed to. its just not fair. and see this is what all you smokers have coming to you. except its less fair to me. i didnt volenteer to be placed in this living hell.

alright well now that ive said my peace i should i probably get going. im on the verge of tears which isnt good. cnat cry while liek this it only makes the cough worse. plus i need to shower, wrap dads present, and work on homework.

i will try to write later

you know you love me,

Friday, May 30, 2003

hey people!! whats shaking?

i am completely and utterly bored!!!!!! there is nothing to do! i swear i have watched every movie i own in the past three days and watched every boring rerun of every boring show. aaaaah!!! so it turns out they think im "anemic" which means my body doesnt produce the right amount of iron like everyone else's does and that its been slowly wearing down my amune system so that i catch every virus and it is also part of the reason i cant tan and part of the reason i look so plae and then every so often when my body gets super low on iron and if theres two much pressuring me it attacks my body and i get sick. so yeah they arent sure if thats what i have but they did a blood test and ill probably know for sure by monday. yum iron vitamins.

so i should be working on my english paper right now. but no im sitting here writing this shit and doing nothing but listening to music. Go eagles! woot!

ladida. so e called me yesterday and we were talking about the best memories of this year. i shall list a few of my own now

1) the discovery of mr man pretty (who at the time we called the newspaper guy)
basically what happened was...it was the first newspaper meeting and me,d,and e all went to it together. and mr catalfano was introducing all the editors and me, being the dork that i am, am sitting there thinking damn, that guy is hot (reffering to this well dressed dark haired guy that was leaning on the podium) and then when they were taking ideas for articles d whispers to me "is it just me or is that guy hot" and i replied "the one with the dark hair and that nice ass...hell yes" and we started cracking up and joking about how cute he was. so then after the meeting we were suppossed to go and give our names to the editors i guess. and d goes "kar you're writing an opinons article..hes the opinons editor go talk to him" and before i could protest i was shoved toward the guy babbling about how my name was kara and how i was writing the article on the war on iraq. i was then asked by his unusually tall friend and fellow editor if i was pro war or anti war. i responded anti. he smiled and they put my name down. it was all really quite intimidating. the one guy was super tall and the other super hot and im just standing there scared as shit thinking how they must think im an idiot. but whatever. i then later got screwed over on the article because erica decided she didnt wanna write it. ( she was suppossed to write the pro piece to ballance it all out) i was then forced to write both sides in one piece.and i was given one night to do this. i was soo pissed cause my original opions on the war were actually quite good and i was really proud of it but no. god forbid that last. grrrrr. but oh well...................from that day on this mystery dakr haired guy was offically the "newspaper guy"

eeeck!!! mom just called!
you know you love me

Monday, April 28, 2003

hey you people whats up

i have no written in the longest time. judging by the fact that the entry below says finals week. wow that was definitly january. oh well im not going to fill you in cause its my life, its boring and if you really would love to hear about it give me a call.

so the plan for today is that i am now done my hw. with the exception of editing my poem for creative writing. (Adam you are reading it tonight if you are online i dont care what youre doing!!! lol much like what i did to you with my journalism article...but you love me right???) and any of you others that are online tonight will probably be suckered into reading my glorious little poem as well. it sucks. just warning you

so im suppossed to be working on a poster with jenna right now. but i just called her and she isnt home. damn it. you know having forth block with her is probably not a good thing. i mean jennas all scholar like. and dont get me wrong its not that im not its just that by forth block...i couldnt give a fuck...you know?? and im not always like that it just seems to be my attidue this marking peirod. forth block first marking peirod all was good cause pete was there and he would go out of his way to make me smile...hes too cute. and second marking peirod i was using all my irritated energy to win my debates in debate class (yes ren the sass, the hair flip, tha at-i-tude lol)
and thrid marking peirod it was "hello my name is kara i am a walking zombie. dont expect an intellectual answer cause im exhausted and dont expect a whole lot of participation. instead i shall sit here and 1/2 listen to whatever in hell you are saying and try to make sense out of it. wish me luck" and with the exception of a few people (::cough cough "brock" cough cough::) it sucked. catalfano was cool and writing was cool but yeah i dunno i think i half slept through most of it. like i siad zombie. and now this marking peirod. i really couldnt give a fuck. its like fine marketting. i dont want to be here, i didnt want to be in this class. which reminds me anyone have a good 4th block elective i could switch to??? let me know!!! please!!! you shall be my hero if you do!!

so yeah just got a hold of jenna...shes on her way so when the doorbell rings this shall suddenly end. quickly. and ill write more later.

oh as far as the "brock" reference...if you dont get that then you so dont talk to me. like ever. its this guy that i like and no i did not "nickname" him brock. that was all marc's doing b/c marc doesnt like him bc i like him and thus wants to beat him up. which this has elevated to marc is GOING to beat him up in light of the recent event of me telling "brock" that i like him and marc deciding that brock did not deserve to live. what can i say? i have some weird ass friends. although marc is awesome. im so going to miss him when he leaves for the army. he came up with brock after D told him that i liked this guy who was a senior and then i told him who it was and marc was like "brock hudson, thinking hes better than me, im kicking his ass! yes thats right kicking his ass!!" it got even better cause then the newspaper came out and marc was like "dude now i know where to find hime

she here

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Hey ya'll how goes it

so today is one of the finals days at East so I had the day off...woot woot!
and what did i do with this glorious day off? i went back to tamanend

me and felly went around 2 and the wouldnt let us walk around til like 2:30 but it was all good.we sat ouside for a 1/2 hour lol

it was so weird to be back there. it was like going back to house you had as a child and remembering all of the memories you had there. I could still picture myself walking down those halls with my friends, my books in my arms. I could remember eating in that cafeteria, attending classes and gushing to jenna about the latest news while me and vanessa waited at her locker. I could remember standing at my locker waiting for vanessa and listening to damien go all spaztic

it was so cool to see everyone again though....Miss Shalita is engaged!!!! to some guy that she met in december! i know i know suprising!! mrs marano was being so funny and asking how we were. I saw mrs trimby, miss fratrick, mr sterner, and mr werner. oooh and mr timmins! hes so cool. he was like "no! come back tomrrow! ill give you free pizza from the pizza party!!" lol so maybe i will....we shall see he was so the best teacher lol even if hes young lol......oh and mrs eager is retiring on thursday!! i was so sad! i was like omg! no!!! lol

It was just really cool to see everyone again...makes me miss it you know??? adn i got found my old locker! #3038....so i hope the lucky bitch who got it loves it lol

alrighty well i gots to get to stepping
you know you love me

Friday, January 24, 2003

Hello to my adoring public...lmao yeah right theres about all of 7 of you who actually read this.

anywho...its friday night!! woot woot!. ( yes fel its 10 now which means we are a meer what 3 hours into if you go by your def)

so what did i do on this wonderful friday evening? I hit the mall with Kara, Felly, and Reen. It was so much fun we had the best time. And Kara now has her own stalker....lmao!! hes cute...lil too ghetto for me though...Kar dragged us into all them borin stores like wetseal, and charlett whatever and forever 21, but it was cool me and reen walked around making fun of everything. specially in wet seal, lmao that was the best (maureen dont i just look so sexy in this hat??? ooooooh i wannna be just like avril and get tie!!! lmao who the fuck would wear this?) so it was cool then we got us some chickfilla (lmao marueen the dude with the rockin fro! maynessa lmao!! now if you rub the straw....) we went to the toy store and goofed around...well me and reen did (lol...member when polly pocket actually fit in your pocket?) and i got new cover for my cell at gadzooks (my one and only purchase of the night) its cool the, beach scene, blue keys, very me...lets see...i think thats about all the highlights of the trip...thinking...yeah probably.

today in debate...i so beat ren...anyone who talks to him should tell him this..hell try and deny it but hes just a sore loser. Ask Wyatt or Brook, theyll tell you. lol Ren and me got in a very 3rd gradeish "yes you did" "no you didnt" fights...it was soooo funny...lasted like 5 mins too...we're both very stubbern so it was funny. i love that class im so gonna miss it when it ends. Today it was Colleen vs Keith. Very close. Brook was convinced Colleen won, me and mike had to spend like 5 mins in the hall convincing him other wise...oh well

hmm...so the durst situation...for those who dont know about it dont ask cause i aint tellin...and most of you who actually read this dont know about it...but anywho....we still havent talked...undecided over whether this is a good or bad thing....possibly both? iunno

lol maureen forget durst....i want the dude with the fro!!

i swear there was this guy at the mall (white guy) with this kick ass fro...he was so cool

LuVeNiT069 [10:07 PM]: yup oo well he has mah cellie

honestly i hate people who call it a "cellie".. is that supposed to sound cute? im so not seeing the cuteness in that...just seems screwed up to me... call it a cell...there is really no need to add the ie...its not cute. its not funny. please dont do it.

oh update on tamara...her and pete...living together again...went to see harry potter with them last weekend and all was good....did they work things out for good?? who knows....we shall see

hmmm im honestly out of things to write...sad yes i know...anywho i think im gonna go.. think ill make some tea and watch murder by numbers in bed (yea! ryan gosling!)

alright good night to all and to all a good night
im off to never never land ( sorry metalica im in love with that song...sandman)

you know you love me

Monday, January 13, 2003

Whats up y'all???

hmm last time i wrote was over a month ago....hmmm lol

I would like to start by saying that I have NOT been asked a single question about Ryan since we got back from break. And even better I have not heard my self called a slut, or whore, or the other wonderful names i kept hearing before i left.......praise the lord!!!....so maybe now i can stop hating ryan.....i'll give it a shot

But what you ask has changed this?? well one would be that eveyone has forgotten....thank fricken god

second would be that now instead of being that girl that was with ryan over the summer...now its all about adam, or shall i say "gordo"
least Adam is a better person to be associated with and im not being called a slut..
however if one person comes up to me and asks me for "gordo's" screen name i just might scream. And mike Disandro's perstant asking will get him no where

i swear everytime someone speaks about "gordo" i have to catch myself...It's so weird cause i know him as adam To me hes just this cool kid that likes the spin docotors (which of course makes him perfect lol) and will listen to me bitch about my debate and then help me and proof read my source credibility essay and then make fun of the people on the Peoples Choice Awards with me..... i dunno i dont see waht the big deal is.

and nicole! she got all offended that i didn't tell her!! so she started sayin how he was butt ugly and how hes sucha snob and hes so stupid and other shit....im like dude! you dont even know him!! mike said something about that too.... i serisously get pissed off by that...its like you dont know him! what the fuck is your prob?? you know???? i dunno pisses me off

so yeah today had its ups and downs....i lost my debate....badly...first time i lost badly...i lost one other time but it wasnt badly.....this was bad....Wyatt shot down eveyrhing i said....it was HORRIBLE.....he appoligized after...but this seriously........ i dunno..... im a sore loser thats all....now i shall sit here and yell at myself and think of everything that i could have said differently...cause thats me for you

so anyway im gonna go now.... cause i have nothin else worth typing

You know you love me

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